...NYE...

...tonight is New Year's Eve. i'll be joining two other couples, who i love and adore. it will be grandest of fun, but i will miss you regardless, being the lone single gal...

...quaking on the inside....

...sometimes on the inside i quake when i think of you and that is when i miss you most...

...at the movies...

...sometimes when i am at the movies i imagine reaching for your hand and hearing you bend close to whisper a funny thing in my ear. how i miss you in those moments....

...a kiss....

...tonight i went to see tangled. it makes me believe that fairy tale kisses might happen in real life. ready for yours....

..christmastime...

...christmas is a favorite holiday. i love relaxing on this day...

...birthday party for Jesus...

...micah participated in his first birthday party for jesus. wow. i about cried when i thought about the legacy being created in this tradition. it makes my heart full tonight...

...a walk in the snow...

...today i woke up and wanted to go for a walk in the snow. no one would go with me. i wish you had been here to go with me...

...citadel of stars...

...citadel of stars has to be one of the most perfect songs. i think it will be a meaningful song for me for whenever you arrive...

..bad dreams..

...i had some bad dreams last night. i wish i knew how to make them go away. i wish you were here to help me figure it out...

...a day alone...

...a day alone left my thoughts banging around my head like a pinball machine. how i wish you could call...

...after the movie....

...went to the movies tonight. now that i'm home alone on my couch, it'd just be nice to have someone else near by...

...laughter....

...rarely do i laugh more than when i'm with nate & morgan. i'm thankful for them and can't wait for you to know them...

...letting it go....

...tonight, driving home 'everything' by Audrey Assad came on and the line "if everything is yours, i'm letting it go, it was never mine to hold..." struck me. even when you are mine...you won't really be mine, so i'm letting it go....

...the green-eyed monster...

...sometimes the green-eyed monster of jealousy creeps up on me and overtakes me. i don't like a jealous me. it feels false and ugly....

...pity parties...

...this week, i threw myself a lovely little pity party. i feel rather sheepish for it now, but i'm glad i was able to remove the heart of it quickly...

...lessons in forgiveness....

...this week, i've learned more about forgiveness, mercy & grace more than I've ever known before. i'm thankful i'm continuing to learn these lessons...

...unprotected...

...sometimes a girl just needs a protector. today was one of those days...

...bad day at work....

...it's been a couple of bad days at work. i came home today wishing for a hug, someone just to hold me and well, reprieve from the hell i work in....

...tonight...

...tonight kind of sucked. i wish you could give me a hug because i need one. badly....

...piece of my heart....

...so it feels a little bit like a piece of my heart is gone when i don't hear his voice...

...dancing in the minefields...

....i want to go dancing in minefields with you....

...wishing....

...i am sitting here wishing that I could cuddle up next to you and hold your hand whilst watching a movie tonight...

...someone to talk to...

...it's nice to have someone to talk to....

...death....

...tonight my friend texted me to tell me his grandmother died. death hurts to hear of even when i don't know the person. wish i could have a hug right now...

...micah turns five....

...today micah turned five. it was a day full of family fun. wish you'd had been here to share the laughter over micah's antics. love that kid....

...carbon leaf....

....live a life less ordinary, life a life extraordinary with me....

...late night talks...

...they really are the best thing in the world. i miss you less when there's someone to talk to late into the night...

...happy....

....i'm happy. i like me when i'm happy. i wish i could share the happy me with you....

....to fall asleep in your arms...

...some nights there's nothing more that i wish for than to fall asleep in your arms. you've taken a long time to get here and i miss you....

...there's this girl...

...that is driving me crazy. i alternately want to smack her and feel sorry for her all at the same time. how do i deal with this. i wish i could console a cup of coffee and ask your advice....

...sunsets...

...carrie and i chased a sunset again last night. probably a favorite fall activity. there's something soul-soothing about sunsets in the mountains. i'm sure you'd love it....

...racing...

...yesterday we 'ran 4 their lives' and it was an incredible morning. spent it with three fabulous women. couldn't have asked for a better morning.....

...the avett brothers...

...went to an avett brothers concert last night. so amazing. they played "january wedding" and I'm pretty certain that'd be a perfect way to propose....

....the blue ridge mountains...

...i am in love with the blue ridge mountains. they are gorgeous beyond words descriptions. wouldn't it be nice to see them together....

...fall in virginia....

...living here in the fall really makes me want to fall in love. i hope you come along in life during the fall....

...apple festival...

...went to the apple festival in bedford with nate & morgan today. it was so much fun. would have been fun if you'd had been there too....

...living...

...let's just live. whatever happens...happens.....

i wanna

i wanna drink in your face
like water on a hot day...
i wanna drown in your words
lost in a sea of your voice...
i wanna feel my bones shake
when you look at me that way...
i wanna breathe deeper
see farther and hold tighter...
i wanna feel the ground to quake
under me when your near...
i wanna see the sparks fly
when you touch me...
i wanna feel the quiver
in one stolen kiss...

...watching tv...

...some day, i know i will look forward to the ability to watch tv alone. today is not that day. and i am not looking for my parents as company either....

...waking up...

...i woke up this evening from my third shift stupor and really wish there had been someone who i coulda called and asked for some food....

...rainy days....

...rainy days are my favorite. this morning, i would have taken a walk in the rain with you if you would've let me....

...missing....

...i miss my brother. sometimes i think if you were here, it wouldn't be so bad to miss him so much....

...teasing...

...i downloaded some cheesy pop music today. wish you were here to tease me about that....

....it smells like fall...

....i woke up today thinking it smelled like fall. i wish you were here to take a walk in the cool air this evening...

....melancholy....

....today i'm feeling a bit melancholy-like. would love to have a man give me a hug. sometimes that's just truth....

...weary...

...i'm just so tired. weary of this circumstance, this draining life. i'm just tired tonight....

...flirting....

...i am not great at flirting...but when i get in one of these moods, it's pretty fun. especially when there's an equally charming fella on the other side. you'll see one day... ;)

...missing...

...tonight i miss my friend who isn't speaking to me anymore. she has been on my mind much. i need a hug, i think. but mostly i just want her to know i love her....

...tv premiere week...

...it's tv premiere week...tonight i am watching all the new shows. kinda wish i didn't have to do it alone....

....afraid....

...recently i asked someone what they were afraid of and the question was turned on me. what am i afraid of? that it will turn out the way it always does, with my heart in pieces, shattered and destroyed again....

...sigh of relief...

....isn't it great to make a decision? it's like you can breathe that sigh of relief and think on the thing that's been consuming your thoughts for too long. god's in charge and i am walking in a new direction....

...seasons....

....in life there are seasons. one season in my life is in the process of ending, and the next will begin shortly. what that will look like, i don't know. i'll tell you about this sometime....

...uncertain...

...i find myself unsure of what to do in a situation in my life. it's like i have a choice between two things i love. that makes it harder, and i wish that you were here tonight....

...doofus...

...so it would seem that I'm a genuine doofus. yup. things in my head are generally worse than reality...

...bless the broken road....

...i heard 'bless the broken road' on the radio today. somehow i feel like that is going to be a theme song of my love. and that's ok....

...it's all in my head...

...that's what i keep telling myself and hoping. otherwise, i might be in for a bumpy ride coming up....

...a good cry....

...sometimes a girl just needs a good cry, a hand to hold on to, and someone to hug her. it's nights like tonight that i wish you were here....

...out of sorts....

...i feel very out of sorts this week. somehow like i cannot connect with anyone appropriately or like i don't feel right about things. i wish i could grasp why i feel this way. maybe i just need a hug...

...keith urban...

...tonight i was listening to keith urban, and there's a couple of songs that feel like came right out of my journal and placed into song form. 'if ever i could love' & 'my heart is open' are the two most poignant to me. i know that when the time is right, that's exactly what my heart will sing to yours...

...back to work...

...tonight is back to work for me. some times vacation makes it harder to go back to work. i wonder if it would be as hard if you were around. just a thought...

....bedford social club....

....tonight, my parents & i went to the bedford social club. it was so good. but out of the corner of my eye, i spotted a beautiful booth for two. maybe one day we'll go there together and share a tasty meal...

...some people....

...some people feel like home, without explanation. when i find one, it makes me miss you...

...communion....

...tonight don t. led communion at brcc. it was amazing. there was so much god put in my heart. i would have shared it with you after....


...when you're here, i hope to share what god does in my heart on night's like these....

...contemplating goodbyes....

...tonight i sit alone in the spare bedroom of my stephy's home with a heart breaking from contemplating saying good bye to her tomorrow evening. it hurts so badly to leave her. if there were a way to stay and go, i would...

...tonight i wish you were here so i could cry on a shoulder...

...mountains....

...drove to mt. baker with steph & matthew today. the mountain scenery makes me breathe easier. wish you'd been around to share the lord of the rings-esque scenery....

...coffee...

...i love coffee. i love sharing a cup of coffee with people i love, someday i think we'll share coffee together....

...good news...

...i love getting good news. i just heard one of my friends is expecting. this is always the most joyous news, i'm so excited i could dance a jig. if you were here, you'd probably laugh at me...

....waking up late...

...today I slept in. 'twas glorious and beautiful. woke to the morning sounds and a little sunshine peeking through the curtains...

...wish you were here....

hello seattle

...yesterday i arrived in seattle to see friends. when we landed, immediately, i started singing the owl city song 'hello seattle' in my head. if you had been with me, i would've burst into song to you...

...wish you were...

...last week...

last week was hard. i cried myself to sleep for the first time in months on tuesday morning. losing a friend is hard. and it's harder when you're alone. i was sad and i wished you had been here.

hiking

... went adventuring with carrie a few weekends ago. it was a lot of fun. we talked how much more fun it would be to have you with us....

..wish you were here...