...remembering...

...i have not thought about that night in a long time. until it was mentioned again this weekend. everything came flooding back. i can feel the weight of my heart in those precious moments. is this going to portend the coming weeks? my heartbeat is erratic again...

...after busy nights....

...tonight was busy, full, exciting and exhilarating. i love serving God and i love the aftermath of nights like tonight. but it does make me miss you. crawling into a bed alone, or sitting on the couch alone to tune out a bit, I just wish I could rest my head on your shoulder and have your arms around me for a little while. after nights like tonight, i wish you were here...

...words i can't shake...

Prince: 
Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?
Am I making believe I see in you a girl too lovely to be really true?
Do I want you because you're wonderful, or are you wonderful because I want you?
Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream or are you really as beautiful as you seem?

Cinderella:
Am I making believe I see in you a man too perfect to be really true?
Do I want you because you're wonderful, or are you wonderful because I want you?
Both: Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream or are you really as wonderful as you seem?








I'm not a huge fan of Brandy's voice on this but I like the Tenor. :) Beautiful.

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e e cummings -

...something to remember....

...this conversation happened today...
"...there are few people i would welcome waking me at early hour & yes, you're one of them…"
"i know.…& there are few people i will read the Bible to at 4am…"
...i think a piece of my heart just cracked a little bit...in a good way....

...the holidays....

...the holidays are a strange time. it's joyful, fun and i revel in the family, the celebration of Jesus' birth (and my own. ;)) ....i love to celebrate with friends, eat good food, relax with a good holiday movie...but then...when things get quiet...i miss you. wishing for the day you'll be here for the holidays....

...who will i become...

...sometimes i wonder who i will become when you turn your light towards my soul. will i be more than beautiful? will i crumble to pieces? will i bloom something new and fresh for both of us? i wonder...

...cozy nights...

...sometimes on cozy nights, i'm curled up on the couch in my softest blanket and i think of you. the hope of your nearness overwhelmed me sometimes. i wish you were here....

...when i'm at the movies...

...particularly when i'm alone or with another couple, i inevitably look at the seat next to me and can imagine you being with me. some day, you'll watch a movie. maybe you'll hold my hand, or whisper sarcastic comments in my ear...but all in all, you'll be with me....

i wish...

i wish i could show you...

...how you light a fire inside of me like no one else has ever done...
...what the world sees when they look at you - light, truth, hope, ignition...
...that your laughter is unmatched...
...that your heart is a kaleidoscope of colors that everyone sees but you...
...how your eyes tell me everything you cannot speak...even in pictures.
...that you hold THE Light in you and He shines brighter through you than you know...
...when you are lonely or in the darkness the astonishing light that of your own being....
...that no darkness, no haunting, no hurt, no doubt, nothing, can stop you from being all that you are...
...that you are a brilliant light -- inexhaustible, un-diminishable....
....that you are loved more than you could know...
...that until the day i die, you will be loved, appreciated and believed in...
...and that my love for you is as inexhaustible and undying...

...last girl standing...

...the last of my singles' group friends got married last saturday. i'm the last girl standing....

...the sweetest words...

..."you calm me, and i don't know why or understand it" -- the best and sweetest words i've ever heard...

5 Months...

...it's been almost five months since I blogged here. three days shy of that, actually. the world spun out of control, i fell into a pit, had a gentle hand tug me out, spin me around, set me on a mountain and found the sunshine again. and then...lightning struck. again....

lightening strikes twice sometimes.

...i just want you...

...so, i'm gonna throw this out there and just pray. i don't know where the burden of responsibility to fix things lies....and honestly, i'm not concerned. what i want to - tell you is, i'm miserable when you're not around. and its not because i'm assuming the worst. it's because YOU are gone and i just want your presence. it has nothing to do with fear, insecurity or people. i want you. it is just that simple.
you're one of the best things in my life and i cant bear for you to be gone.
and i mean you. not because you're good to me (which you are) but because of all that you are - good, bad and everything in between. i'm gonna leave you with that and wait. Thanks for praying for us....

...defender....

...sometimes you just want someone to put their arms around you, stand between you and the hurt and defend you. this girl needs a defender daily...

...books...

...i love books. i love buying books. i love sharing when i found a good buy with someone. i love sharing quirky books with someone...i wish you were tonight...

...do not like it...

...i don't like it when i know there are women throwing themselves at men. it makes me miss you...

...when you know....

...when you know about someone, you just know. he asked me if i had an answer from god. i do. how i got it? i don't know, i just know. no logical explanation, I just know....

...saying goodnight....

...everything in me wants to hear you say goodnight to me every night of forever...

...cute messages...

...yesterday i got the most adorable voicemail left for me. i wonder if you'll do that for me....

...mornings like this....

...i wish you were here and could give me a hug. i hate seeing my parents like this...

...arms around me...

...i need your arms around me, i need your scent on my skin. i need to know you'll never let go, never let go...again... ~ tyrone wells ~

...i miss you...

...do you like to dance....

....do you like to dance? i only like to dance with someone that matters. nothing would make me happier than to be held in a slow dance under the moonlight on a deserted street...

...your voice...

...there's something so familiar about your voice that I miss when I do not hear it, how i wish you were here...

...sometimes love...

...sometimes love isn't work at all, it is a remarkable joy...

...something in the water....

....i've got halos made of summer, rhythms made of spring....

...princess...

...i melt to a puddle of me when i hear this....

...cuddling...

...cuddling is a favorite sport of mine...

...starting my day...

...starting my day with a cup of french press, some time with Jesus, and my journal. one day it'll be nice to share with you what God does in day-starts...

...sappy....

...when did i become such a sap? oh my....

...visions of palm trees....

....lately, visions of palm trees have plagued me. and i want you with me on the warm walks down the beach in view of those palm trees....

...tangled....

...you'd laugh at me, but i cried again when i saw tangled the second time. my heart is softer than i ever thought it'd ever be. all for you....

...not a last resort....

...i promise you'll never be a last resort to assuage my lonliness...

...nights like this...

...are when i am not ok with being alone. when will you get here? it's taking a long time and tonight it seems even longer...

...french press....

....it'd be nice to have someone to share a french press brew with....

...singing....

...i miss singing, hoping you'll let me sing at the top of my lungs whenever i want to and think it's cute....

...parties....

...parties are sometimes awkward when you're alone. it's nice to have someone who is a partner in crime sometimes. but thankful for l&j for their being awesome friends at tonight's party....

better than chocolate

...there are things that are better than chocolate. rare, but true....

...messages....

...i wonder if the messages you send me will make me smile like these do. at any rate, it's nice to be thought of....

...sunshine....

...so the sun is out, it's almost hot today and i wish you could sit on my back porch with me and drink a glass of wine...

....in my head....

...i want to let you in my head, but more than that i want you to be in my heart too...

...run away....

...sometimes you need to run away to see who will follow. and sometimes that's a stupid idea. i'm not sure whether it's stupid yet...

...just one...

...on nights like this when i don't know where the path is going to lead, i need just one hug...

...was never mine...

...if everything is yours....I'm letting it go, it was never mine to hold....

...steeling myself....

...my friend didn't intend to lower the boom of bad news, but she did. maybe she's wrong, and i desperately hope she is. but i am steeling myself for yet another disappointment...

....i want to hold your hand....

...yeah, i just want to hold your hand. to walk in the night, look you in the eye and hold your hand....

...dreary days...

...are certainly a favorite day when nothing presses me. i enjoy a cup of tea, a book or a movie, just wish you could join me....

...lyrics....

...you own me with whispers like poetry, your mouth is a melody i memorize....
~ the civil wars, tip of my tongue ~

...hugs....

...tonight I could use any variation of hugs you would be willing to give me....

...advocate....

...it's hard to not have a defender, an advocate in human form. but for now Jesus is. but it does make me miss you some days...

...sensitive...

...sometimes i'm far too sensitive. and social media doesn't help....

...friends....

...tonight i spent the evening with laura and jon. they are so awesome and i love them. you will too. hurry up and get here so you can meet them! :) ....

...bad dates....

....bad dates make me miss you more than anything. why do i attract losers? i just want to have a nice time, with a attractive fellow who interests me...

...the list....

...tonight i talked about you. not that i know who you are precisely yet. but the dream of you, that list of qualities i pray you to have. it made me want you to be here now, could you hurry up already?...

...there's this thing....

...called coffee that guys tend to ask you join them for when they're testing the water. i hate it. it's awkward and murky. and i'm not excited about the latest attempt at the murkiness....

...dream job....

...last night a dear friend asked me what my dream job would be. writing. teaching. ministering to women. breathing life into people.....

...talk to me...

...talk to me, i'm torn...i could get lost in a voice like yours...
~ a rocket to the moon ~

....when i'm confused...

...it's amazing how much pain can set in from confusion.....

...other women....

...sometimes women destroy with words, and sometimes they heal. thankfully i have more healers than harmers in my life....

...lonely nights...

...lonely nights are the hardest....

...alone....

...i'm alone tonight. sittin in mama's bed waiting for sleep to steal me away. i miss you most on night's like this....

...when he calls...

...when he calls me, i miss you less. there might be something to that....